Today, I learned a great deal about dating or going out in South Africa and the importance of understanding the meaning behind the word “love” as it is used by many especially the black South Africans.* To me if I tell someone I love them it means that I don’t just like them or in the dating sense that I am interested in them but that I love them as a friend, family member (i.e. loved one) or a significant other (boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, spouse, etc) in a way that I share this love and affection by saying “I love you”. Here (in English) it seems to have different meanings depending on who is saying it, who they are saying it to, etc.
For example, I heard someone saying yesterday “baby I love you” and I came to find out that if this person had been speaking in Zulu, Sotho, Khosa or another one of the many African languages spoken in this part of the world they wouldn’t have said it exactly the same way. Roughly translated from Zulu he might say something like “one day I hope to send people to your home to pay lobola** for you.” If I tell a girl/woman that I love her and it is in a romantic way I would say this after knowing her for some time, going from interest in her to loving her as a potential partner or wife. But here “love” is used by many as a way to begin talking to someone that you have just met or known for sometime but have an interest in dating, with or without the intention to marry them someday. Just like I don’t completely dominate Portuguese there are South African who haven’t yet mastered the English language so as I understand it this plays a large part in their using “love” when others of us would say like or interest. I was told that if I told a girl/woman that I was interested in her or liked her she would ask me what do you find interesting or what do you like, even if my intention was to say that I want to get to know you more and maybe date. But if I told her that I loved her she would interpret this as meaning that if she reciprocated or accepted this we would be boyfriend and girlfriend.
It seems that some people use the word love knowing the various meanings and implications of saying it to someone else only to trick the other person. They do this knowing that the person they are talking to doesn’t realize that while they are being told they are “loved” the person telling them this doesn’t necessarily love them.
I think this is an interesting case where the semantics of different languages is very important to understand. It shows how it can be dangerous to assume that what you are saying or hearing means one thing when the person you are speaking to or being spoken to by means something very different. I am now very interested to talk to Marcilio about what exactly the word “love” means in
*I just want to explain that I am speaking in generalities about conversations I had with two men, one Zulu and the other Sotho and thus my research on this topic is not very deep or wide
**For those of you who don’t know what lobola means another name for it is “bride-price” or dowry. Traditionally it has been an agreed upon amount paid by a man’s family to a woman’s family before they can get married. Cattle, cash, alcohol and other gifts are offered in payment for the fiancée’s hand in marriage. For more see these articles or search for “lobola” on the net.
http://www.answers.com/topic/lobola http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lobola
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